Diary of a Gay Teen
Dear diary
Today is the 17th of September, 2010 and I’m finally in secondary school. I would be attending one of the most prestigious all-boys schools in Nigeria and I’m so excited, I may not know what this phase of my life holds for me but I know that I’m ready to face it. At school today I was placed in JSS 1B and I had a lot of time to make friends even though my shy self could only make one. So I guess have a new friend.
Dear diary
Today is the 15th of January, 2011 and I hate it here. I was wrong, I don’t think I’m ready for this. I’ve been called names that I didn’t know existed in the dictionary. I don’t think I can take much more. Why do I have to act like a girl? Why am I not like the other boys? Why do they keep calling me a fag? I don’t think I’m one. I thought this was supposed to be fun. Mummy lied to me, she said that I will love it here but I don’t, I want to leave.
Dear diary
Today is the 13th of October, 2011and I am done with this school. I told mummy about transferring me to a different and regretted it 1o minutes later. She said that I was a foolish, stupid and ungrateful child, that many children would kill to attend my school but like the failure that I am, I want to leave. She also said that I’m not leaving that school except on the day of my valedictory service. I don’t think I can last till then, I don’t think I can take more of this bullying. I tried to explain things to mum but she wouldn’t listen. I don’t know what else to do, going back there seems like a huge mistake.
Dear diary
Today is the 27th of February, 2012 and l don’t understand what is going on with me, why do I find boys attractive the way boys find girls attractive? Why do I want to kiss the cutest boy in school? I thought boys were supposed to like girls, why am I different? I need answers to these questions. Do I talk to somebody? Were my classmates right? Am I a fag? I can’t be a fag, that’s impossible, maybe I’m confused. I’m a normal boy.
Dear diary
Today is the 10th of September, 2012 and I’ve gotten used to the bullying and insults, it wasn’t easy but thanks to Kurt from my new favourite series Glee I’ve developed a tough skin and their words phase me no more. I can’t believe that I used to give those numb skulls the satisfaction they get by seeing me sad but never again. So this is the new Adrian signing in. It’s going to be smooth sailing from here.
Dear diary
Today is the 6th of June, 2013 and I’m done with my Lagos state examinations which means I’m halfway through making the only dream I have for now a reality, leaving this school. I’m so excited about the long holiday, 3 months away from those boys is exactly what the doctor ordered. Mum just told me that I will be starting computer lessons as soon as possible, that’s a dent in my plans but I’m still okay with it because as long as I’m far away from those who shall remain unnamed the holiday would still be good.
Dear diary
Today is the 15th of November, 2013 and I’m finally crushing on someone. His name is Fred and he's my neighbour. He is so hot with his abs and sharp jawline. I just want to kiss those succulent lips of his and claim him as mine. OMG, I can’t believe I’m saying stuff like this. Who knew puberty could do wonders to people. I need me some Fred loving like right now. By the way, Mum is pretty mad as always that I am lagging behind in school work. I thought she would know by now that I hate writing notes.
Dear diary
Today is the 14th of March, 2014 and I got to see Fred naked! So we were chilling in my room and he decided to bring his portable DVD over for us to watch porn on. While watching it, he complained of his underwear being too tight around his groin area and legit stripped. I was in heaven. I couldn’t stop staring at his large hard member. Who says dreams don’t come true?
Dear diary
Today is the 24th of May, 2015 and I kissed Fred today. After 15 years on planet earth, I finally had my first kiss. We were in his place talking and we started talking about blow jobs and he asked if I could give him one, I said yes and the rest as they say is history.
Dear diary
Today is the 5th of January, 2016 and I now have two sexual partners. Fred and a guy on the street his name is Evans. I haven’t exactly had penetrative sex, just making out and dry humping with Fred and head with Evans which I must say is very boring but I enjoy the chase so I still keep him around. I almost got caught dry humping with Fred by my junior brother. He walked in on us but the room was too dark for him to see anything.
Dear diary
Today is the 15th of June, 2016 and I am done with secondary school. I just completed my WASSCE and NECO examinations. It feels good to be out of that hell hole I must say. I also now have a lot of free time to make out with Fred since I’ll be home alone on most days and he is also done with School. All I can do now is wait for my admission letter into the University and the freedom that comes with it.
Dear diary
Today is the 17th of January, 2017 and I am on my way to Abia State University. I can’t believe I got the admission to study Medicine even though I wasn’t on the merit list, it still feels surreal. I can’t wait for the adventure that comes with being in the University, I hope it’s like what I’m expecting.
Dear diary
Today is the 17th of April, 2017 and I’ve couldn’t find the walls I built. I was home alone with my younger brother so I was in my room resting from the stress of school when he walked into the room saying we needed to talk. “I am only coming to you now because I feel I should say something before it gets out of hand. You behave like a woman and it irritates me, it’s making me lose y respect for you and it’s also the reason Kevin (our youngest brother) looks up to e and not you. So I hope you change for the good of the family. The first son shouldn’t bring shame to the family. Ok bye”. I couldn’t stop crying. The hate I had for myself began to resurface and the only choice I had was to shove it all down rather than face it.
Dear diary
Today is the 9th of June, 2017 and I just met a new guy. It’s my second semester at the university and I’ve been celibate since I started. His name is Jayden and we’re both in the fellowship choir. We had an out of school showcase today and on our way back to school we sat together which kind of forced us to have a conversation. Even though the conversation was forced at the beginning it later became quite amazing. I hope to spend more time with him.
Dear diary
Today is the 15th of November, 2017 and I and Jayden are officially dating. So after our first conversation on the bus, we began talking to each other more often and we found out we had a lot in common. So that led to a lot more conversations which lead to feelings developing which led us to where we are now. We decided to hold off sex till my birthday when I turn eighteen since he’s already eighteen.
Dear diary
Today is the 27th of February, 2018 and I think my life is over. It’s a month to my birthday and Jayden is dead. He was murdered by the cultists who thought he was queer. Jayden was not the most “manly” of men, he was quite flamboyant and beautiful that’s why I fell for him. He was on his way back to his room from school when he was mugged by cultists who felt queer people shouldn’t be allowed to live. I still can’t believe he’s gone.
Dear diary
Today is the 20th of March, 2018 and I was saved by a guardian angel. I was on my way to school for night class when I was surrounded by a group of boys. They first asked me questions about Jayden like “Na you dey fuck that boy way die last month abi?” I was still thinking of a response when I received the first punch then others followed. As I laid on the ground being beaten to death, I couldn’t help but think if this is how everyone else’s life is. Why must I face this prejudice? Why must I have to be queer? Why am I not normal? I don’t want this anymore this pain is too much to bear. I am still a child I shouldn’t be going through this much trauma. I was almost at the brink of death when my guardian angel rushed over to us with a cutlass causing the boys to flee. He took me to the hospital and paid for my treatment.
Dear diary
Today is the 27th of March, 2018 and I turned eighteen today and I don’t know why I’m still alive. Today was supposed to be my special day but all I can think about is how the love of my life is dead and I almost got killed for loving him. I am still pretty banged up from my attack. I think it’s time for me to leave this earth, I have nothing more to live for.
Dear diary
Today is the 22nd of May, 2018 and my guardian angel strikes again. After weeks of searching for him to thank him for saving my life that day, I finally found him at the supermarket where I went to get supplies to end my life on planet earth. He invited me to his home that evening to talk. When I got there, he offered me a seat and we soon began talking. He asked a lot of questions of which I gave answers. He told me he was gay too and then finally asked about the elephant in the room “that night”. I told him the entire story of how I lost Jayden, I almost lost my life and how I was ready to take my own life. He didn’t look phased upon hearing my decision to end my life instead he said he understood. He told me that when he was my age he had similar thoughts, he didn’t go through half of what I went through but he gets where I’m coming from. He told me that I might be feeling like my life is worthless and too difficult for me but there is a rainbow after the hurricane. He told me that Jayden wouldn’t want me to leave the earth without making my mark. That Jayden would want to see me accomplish my dreams and goals. That I can rise above the trauma and struggles of the world because I am strong. That I am stronger than I could ever imagine. He said that there’s a place in this world for me. He told me about his own story and how his guardian angel saved him so that he could save another person and that it’s my turn. That it’s my turn to work towards protecting the younger gays from going through the same difficulties I went through. To provide a safe space for the younger generation. I don’t know why but those words resonated with me. It sounded like Jayden was talking to me at that very moment and I had to listen. So here I am ready to work twice as hard to one day have a platform to make a great impact and change in my society. To convince the younger generation that no matter how hard the world tries to make our lives that my life matters, their lives matter, and ALL QUEER LIVES MATTER.
