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Sometimes I feel… wrong.

It’s probably all the comphet and indoctrination letting me know I’m their bitch, but a lot of times I’m sitting alone, minding my damn business, and I start to feel like there’s something deeply wrong with me. Like I’ll never be good enough, no matter how hard I try because I have made the greatest mistake by being queer, being me.

I know there’s nothing wrong with being queer but in those moments it’s like all my reason goes to shit and I just want to curl up in a foetal position and pretend I don’t exist.

Sometimes I get a replay of my mum’s reaction when I came out to her. I see all the pain and disappointment in her eyes and it almost feels like it’s happening again. At that moment I think to myself, nothing that gives her that much pain can be right. I wish I could take it all back, make it go away, suddenly be cishet. But I know it doesn’t work that way.